We all do it, don’t we? Write about perfumes as if they are people. “She is so dirty.” “She is so elegant.” “Prim, mysterious, seductive.”

Well, let me wade into this sea of description, up to my chin!

I have four perfumes for you to consider. Having spent a fair amount of time in This Fair City By The Bay, I present to you…

The Perfume People of San Francisco, in a three part series.

Part 1.

Meet Seyrig. It is a perfume modeled on the woman, but it fits so well with my experiences of the quintessential Marina Man. Soapy, squeaky clean, classic. Prepster extraordinaire, winner at life. A bit much, really. Well groomed, but shouting at you from a bar as you walk past, for no reason other than that of having the arrogance which comes from an overdose of good looks, money, and a crap-load of entitlement issues.

Sorry, Seyrig, you’re pretty and clean, but you’re like a sharp punch in my nose, olfactory overkill. Getting to know your supposedly sweet dry-down takes way too long, the pain and the headache isn’t really worth it, and… you’ll be on my sheets come the morning. Ew.

I could say that a description of Seyrig fits just as well for the Marina Man’s counterpart: the uber-groomed, always perfectly costumed, coiffed, manicured, and made-up Marina Woman. Beautiful, snobbish, hard as nails, wants everything in the world, and gets it through a combination of privilege, hard work, and nepotism. Purportedly a gooey snickerdoodle inside when she’s not being abrasive or fake-nice.

Sigh.

Seyrig, just like the Marina species, is just too much, really.

Those who love Chanel No. 5 but who prefer more aggressive perfumes will love this unisex number.

Just remember, you’ve been warned.

Composition: aldehydes packing the industrial strength of a soap factory, wrapped up in radical chic with a soft center.

Much like allowing a Marina person into one’s life, I had “get to know” my sample of Seyrig before it was mellow enough for me to have a conversation with him/her. Once mellowed from a 6 month stint in my perfume drawer, it was much easier to interact with this sharp individual. If you love aldehydes (as I do) but are wary of the atomic blast factor, let Seyrig sit for a time, and apply sparingly. You might find yourself with a surprisingly beautiful relationship… after you’ve let Seyrig talk about him/herself for a few hours. That said… I’m not going to be dating Seyrig myself. I never got to experience the sweetness I’ve only heard rumored.

Don’t let my sharp criticism of Seyrig turn you off either the perfume or the perfumer, Bruno Fazzolari. Like a Marina person, Seyrig is meticulously crafted and well-presented. In my brief encounters with the artist, Bruno has been a lovely person, and UNLIKE a Marina-ite, not at all abrasive at the outset. So, go! Support an independent artist and perfumer. The product is truly artisanal.

Up next in Part 2 of the Perfumes As People Series: stay tuned for two perfumes who perfectly represent The Classic Mission Hipster.

• As always, thanks go to Tigerlily Perfumery for the sample, sniff sessions, endless discussions, and the etymological gems picked up along the way. Find Seyrig in real life or online at Tigerlily, 973 Valencia Street, San Francisco, CA.
• Image and attendant credits are from Bruno Fazzolari’s website, as is the inspired perfume note I shamelessly quoted as if it were my own, “radical chic.”